The Breakfast Club
by helotastic
Summary: A criminal, an athlete, a brain, a basket case, and a princess move in together. Hint: Tony is the princess. - A Domestic!Avengers oneshot, including the whole team (plus some) on a regular morning in Avengers tower.


The Breakfast Club

* * *

"We have a pitcher of orange juice and half a carton of milk," Bruce reports. He shuts the refrigerator door. "Not that you two were even listening. Who wants coffee?"

Clint sits cross legged on the kitchen island. "Two for Natasha and me. Probably three for Tony."

Bruce grins and starts up the coffee maker. "So how was girls' night out?"

"Girls' night in," Natasha corrects. "There wasn't much open, what with the city still under reconstruction and all."

"Yeah, sorry about that." Bruce mutters as he rummages through the cabinet for coffee mugs.

"Don't be. Most of the damage was Chitauri, and I think Pepper and Jane wanted to stay home," she adds. "Still worried, I guess."

Clint pokes her in the side. "Hey, how come you don't ever worry about me?"

She rolls her eyes. "Don't be such a baby."

Bruce sets two steaming cups of coffee on the island. "What about Darcy?"

"Nice enough," Natasha says. "Enthusiastic, at least. She asked me to teach her some self-defense."

"I thought the four of you would be watching The Notebook and painting your nails," Clint snarks, still miffed by her earlier comment.

"Really, Clint?" Natasha stands up to check on the toaster. "Do we look like that type?"

"Who knows? There was that one time in Paris when–"

Natasha throws her burnt slice of toast at his face. "Don't you even dare…"

Tony sidles into the kitchen. "Ooh, what'd Natashalie do?"

"We were–"

"Shut up," Natasha says, lobbing a wadded-up napkin in his direction. It's closely followed by a banana, a second piece of blackened toast, and a punch in the stomach.

"Okay, okay," the archer laughs. "Keeping my mouth shut, I promise."

"Next time, it'll be a knife coming at your head," she warns.

"Let's keep the weapons on the training floor," Pepper suggests, sweeping into the kitchen. "I still haven't forgotten what Thor's hammer did to the living room."

"Oh come on, that was an accident," Clint protests. "How was I supposed to know that the thing could bust through walls?"

"Regardless, you did think it was a good idea to place bets on it," Bruce reminds him.

"It was a joke, I swear..."

Pepper skirts around their argument to the other side of the kitchen island. "Tony."

The billionaire lifts his head from the table, one cheek sticky with maple syrup and marked with engine oil. "Hmm?"

"You look terrible. Did you even sleep last night?"

"Maybe. I don't know."

"He didn't," Bruce supplies helpfully.

"Of course not," huffs Pepper as she hands over the clipboard. "Sign here. It's a contract for this new–"

"Yeah, whatever." Tony scribbles his name and clicks the pen closed. "Will that be all, Ms. Potts?"

"Almost. We're going to a gala at the museum tonight."

"But I caaaaan't."

"Really, now," Pepper asks, unimpressed.

"It's movie night! We're having a Dark Knight Trilogy marathon! Pepper, don't make meeeee."

Steve has to take a quick step back into the doorway to avoid Tony's flailing arm. "Um… Good morning?"

"No, it's not."

The super soldier blinks. "I'm sorry, what?"

"You asked if it was a good morning, and no, it isn't," Tony explains with a pout.

"Uh…"

Tony points at Pepper dramatically. "She won't let us have movie night."

"Technically, only you can't," Bruce says. "She never said anything about the rest of us."

Tony quickly covers Bruce's mouth with his hand. "What? Did you guys hear something? The sound of cold and utter betrayal?"

Pepper sighs. "You can't just ditch."

"You said that about raising awareness for the endangered green-bellied shark bird, but things turned out okay."

"This time it's different."

"Let me guess… Funding a treatment center for hedgehogs with cancer?"

"My parents are coming."

Tony Stark, who is very rarely speechless, falls silent. He glances at the others, but no help is forthcoming. "Oh. Wow, uh… Can't they come visit us here for dinner or something?"

"They've never met you in person, so I thought it'd be better if we ease them in gently. No JARVIS, no superheroes."

"Oh. Um, okay."

A smile flickers at the corner of her lips. "I'll be home by five. And you'd better be ready to go by then."

"Wait, I don't get a kiss good-bye?" Tony protests as he follows her out of the kitchen.

"Be on your best behavior and then we'll see." The remaining Avengers can hear Pepper's teasing laugh.

Bruce glances up as Tony re-enters the room. "Sometimes I wonder who's really wearing the pants in your relationship."

"Well, to be honest, we prefer it when neither of us are wearing pants."

Steve chokes orange juice, blushing furiously, and Thor chooses that exact moment to walk in, naked from the waist up.

"Good captain," bellows the god, thumping Steve on the back and prompting another round of coughing. "Are you ill?"

"Aww hey," teases Tony. "I think Capsicle is embarrassed."

"It's nothing," Steve rasps, although his flushed cheeks suggest otherwise. "Almost swallowed some orange seeds."

JARVIS pipes up, sounding as smug as Tony. "The orange juice is seedless, sir."

"Score one for Tony and JARVIS, and none for Steve," Tony hoots.

The latter flees the kitchen amidst Thor's confused mutters of, "Have I offended our good captain?"

All in a morning at Avenger's tower.

* * *

[a/n] Disclaimer: This had nothing to do with The Breakfast Club, but it was a catchy title and it was what inspired me to write about the Avengers eating breakfast. That said, I hope you enjoy this shamelessly domestic Avengers fluff. If you did enjoy it, consider leaving a review.


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